Changing sleep = better sleep?

I'm pretty sure that if my friends knew how often my 18 month old daughter woke to nurse in the night my mailbox would be stuffed full of BabyWise. But we don't do BabyWise - not in the slightest. We have not, and will not Cry-it-Out. In fact, we have not attempted to sleep-train my baby at all. I truly believe in letting baby take the lead when it comes to nursing and sleep.

I have read about baby sleep on many blogs/forums and in several published books. You see, it isn't all puppy dogs and rainbows at our house - not at night, and not during naps. Naps, *sigh*, oh naps. My baby has been a bad napper since the day she was born. I'm not even going to get into naps. The precious, oh-so-needed oh-so-hard mid day snooze. Naps - she'll have to just outgrow her nap issues. But so many people are having the exact same "problems" with their toddlers. These "problems" are normal and only "problems" if they are disrupting your family dynamic. I have read so many people say "I've made my child HAVE to nurse to sleep. I've created a monster!" It isn't your "fault"! It is extremely natural - a God given instinct. There is a reason every baby in the whole world is able to fall asleep while nursing or even taking a bottle - because mothers' milk is the perfect sedative. It was created that way and is one of your greatest mothering tools. So why WOULDN't you use it!? But sometimes, eventually, you do end up wishing or hoping that your child can go to sleep without the breast.

I would love to let her continue on her own path, nursing happily to sleep at every wake-up until she outgrows the need of my comfort. Left to their own devices, children usually start sleeping through the night somewhere between 2 and 4 years of age. That's right. Let me say that again - children start sleeping through the night between TWO AND FOUR! So next time great-aunt Bessie asks if your newborn is sleeping through the night, just smile and say "She's doing great!" because it actually isn't normal or natural for a baby to sleep through the night. Most every baby who sleeps through the night was trained to do so. Usually by being left alone to cry. Some babies do sleep long stretches on their own, but most wake often. I (mostly) do not mind nursing my baby at night. In fact, I don't even want her to sleep through the night, I'm just asking for a 4 or 5 hour stretch. Nursing at night wouldn't be an issue if she were my last child. But since I'm hoping to have more children, and the frequent nursing is making that a little difficult, we've gotta do something.

We've decided to take the plunge and start semi-night-weaning. It is so complicated. I am my child's lovey. I know I am. Just as you wouldn't snatch away a child's teddy-bear when they awake looking for comfort, so I can't just take away the breast. I want to do it as loving as possible, while still being available for her. I also am not interested in her sleeping 12 straight hours without needing me. As I said, I'm hoping to just go for a four or five hour stretch. We plan to use Dr. Jay Gordon's method. This method is the most baby-friendly method I have found outside of The No-Cry Sleep Solution. The NCSS is great... if it works for you. It doesn't seem to be working for us, because I've been working on some of her advice for the past six months, with no significant changes. Dr. Gordon's method is for night weaning for at least a seven hour stretch. I'm going to cut it down to five and see how it goes.

My baby is starting to show signs of readiness. She can actually fall asleep without the breast at the beginning of the night now. She nurses to sleepiness and pops off on her own and rocks the rest of the way to sleep. Because she can do this now, I think that she should be able to do it during the night. She eats more solids than milk these days, and another important note is that she is not sick or teething (that I'm aware of). I've thought about this and prepared myself and her as much as possible, its just time to do it!

Baby-led Weaning

Baby-led Weaning:
Helping your baby to love good food.
By Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett



I know it probably seems like we do everything different, and apparently feeding baby proves to be no exception. I always thought that I would make my own baby food, but when I learned about baby-led weaning, I thought it was even a better idea. I came across baby-led weaning accidently. Another blog website I frequent had a small excerpt about it since that was how they fed their babies. I looked it up and thought it was pure genius. Actually I really thought it seemed like common sense.

"Weaning" does not refer to weaning from the breast so much as it refers to the process of starting solid foods from exclusive milk feeds and eventually eating only solids. It is just that instead of being parent led i.e. the parent is in control of when, what, and how much baby eats, the baby is in control of this (solids and milk feeds).

"Forget baby purees, ice cube trays, and weaning spoons, and simply let your baby feed himself." The concept is that you offer your baby table food. Whatever you are eating (with a few exceptions), as long as it is healthy, whole food, you let your baby eat, in easy to grab shapes. The baby starts eating solids as actual solid food, at six months, or whenever the baby appears to be ready. At first the baby doesn't actually "eat" much. Meal times are considered play time, and the baby picks food up, sticks it in their mouth, gives it a gnaw and decides what to do with it. It will mostly get spit back out. As the baby learns more about food, that it tastes good, that it can be swallowed, and that it helps fill her up, more will be ingested.

I've found that there are more baby food myths than can be counted. A few include:
1) A baby has to start with mushy food, they will choke otherwise.
The book says that a baby in control of what she puts in her mouth is less likely to choke than a spoon-fed baby. This is due to where the gag-reflex is on an infant - not very far back. The baby would put food in her mouth at the opening, not in the middle where a spoon would go and this keeps the baby in control so the food does not go too far back. The baby may gag, but that is to move the food forward so they will not choke. The book also says that when a baby traditionally is allowed to feed themselves (8+ months) they are more likely to choke because they have not learned how to control the food and the gag reflex has moved back on the tongue.

2) You have to introduce one food at a time to see if they are allergic.
The book says that this old rule was based on the recommendation of feeding four month old infants solid foods. A four month old's digestive system is not mature enough to handle food at all, so the foods did have to be runny, mushy, one at a time, and simple. Until around six months, an infants digestive track is "open" allowing foods to pass through the intestines into the blood stream. This does cause many allergies, and parents had to be very careful. Because the recommended age is now six months, which is based on scientific learning of a baby's digestion, this one food at a time rule doesn't apply. However, if you have allergies in your family, it would be wise to introduce that food carefully, otherwise, there is no need to watch for a reaction for each food. If you still have reservations or are nervous, there is nothing wrong with following a 3-day wait when introducing new foods.

3) You have to introduce vegetables first. If you do fruit first the baby will develop a sweet tooth.
This is an old wive's tale. I've even heard that you have to introduce fruit first because the baby is used to sweet foods (breastmilk). A lot of pediatricians still recommend delaying fruits until after vegetables because that is what they were taught and it gets passed down the line. The AAP says that this has no scientific basis. Besides, breastmilk is the sweetest baby food around. As sweet as many fruits. Plus, how many toddlers do you know that refuse to eat any vegetables at all, and were still introduced to vegetables first as a baby?

4) A baby doesn't understand nutrition and needs their parent to feed them what they need.
This is true and false. A baby doesn't understand nutrition, but doesn't need you to feed them what they need. Rather, they need you to offer what they need. If offered a wide variety of healthy food, a baby will choose a variety of what they need. The book says that a baby actually will go for what they need at a particular time. Babies are not picky. They don't know they aren't supposed to like broccoli. In fact, broccoli is particularly interesting to a baby. Its bright, it has different textures and looks fun. The book also warns to be careful not to get into an eating rut. For instance, I have oatmeal every single morning. A baby would need a few different breakfasts throughout the week. A baby's nutritional needs should be judged weekly, not daily. A baby, left to her own devices, will pick a variety throughout the week. So even if they only eat banana one day, they will most likely try something else another day. Breastmilk (or formula) is a baby's main source of nourishment for the first year. Even if a baby is not truly "eating" much solid food, the milk feeds are perfectly adequate.

Benefits of allowing a baby to feed herself include: its enjoyable and natural, a baby is allowed to learn about food, learn to eat safely, gain confidence, they trust food, they are a part of the family meal, better nutrition, long-term health, they learn how to deal with textures and learn to chew, they experience real food, its easier and less complicated, no mealtime battles, less pickiness as a toddler, and finally, it is cheaper. The disadvantage: its messy.

I think the less pickiness as a toddler point is key. A baby is less likely to have food-related and eating issues if they are able to explore real food from the start. A lot of a child's food issues stems from texture, but a BLW baby explores food texture from the beginning so this doesn't become a problem later.

We just now started baby-led weaning. Mary Abilene is one week shy of six months. I don't know if six months is hard a rule, but she was really showing signs of readiness to start solids. She can sit upright on her own. She reaches for our food and she can chew, though she has no teeth. We have only been offering her solids for three days and already she has eaten, or rather, tried apples, carrots, deconstructed tostada, dahl (a lentil, onion, tomato puree), banana, orange, and stir fry. She loves oranges. Oranges are one of the only foods that she has really eaten so far. She takes the little wedge and sucks all the pulp out of the membrane. It is absolutely amazing. I did find broccoli in her poo too, so I know some of that got in her!

I am going to chronicle our baby-led weaning journey. We are doing good so far. She did gag the first two days a little. The first day was our fault because we gave her a raw apple and it was breaking off into little chunks. The gagging is scary, but she coughed it up then went about her business. We cook the apple for just a bit in the microwave and she is able to gnaw and suck on it much better. Day three she didn't gag at all. So she must be learning how to manage the food.

Baby-led Weaning is not new. I think a lot of people used to feed their baby this way before Gerber and the AAP. I also think a lot of people feed their baby this way now, they just do not talk about it for fear they will be seen as lazy or negligent. The weaning and the feeding could be two different subjects. This method combines them so the baby decides when she wants to nurse, when she wants to eat solids, or when she wants to give up nursing entirely. I think it will be easier and less stressful for me (as I love nursing) and for Mary Abilene since the breast will not just suddenly be off-limits. So will Mary Abilene still be nursing by the time she's three? Maybe. Probably. Depends on the child. That's just fine with me.

Grace

I want to share something today about God's grace.

When Patrick and I were actively trying to conceive last year, I meditated on several Bible verses.  I just recently shared one of them with Patrick and he was fairly amazed with just the preciseness that God answers prayers.  One of my most fervent prayers was from 2 Kings 4.  Elisha, the prophet, was given a place to stay with a family during his travels, whenever he was in town.  He wanted to do something for the lady of the house to show his appreciation, so while he was spouting off ideas of things to do for her, his servant told him that she had no son and her husband was apparently old.  He had his servant call her in and he prophesied that "by this time next year you will hold a son in your arms."  Sure enough, he was right and about the same time the next year she gave birth to a son.

I meditated on this story and asked The Lord to allow me to hold a baby in my arms "about this same time next year."  The first time I prayed this prayer was on August 10, 2009, I know because I kept a journal.  Mary Abilene was born August 8, 2010... about the same time the next year.

Faster than sprouting weeds

My baby is getting so big and strong!  I just flipped through all her pictures from birth until now, and I just can't believe how much she has grown in two short months.  It is truly amazing and a miracle!  Plants don't even grow as fast as babies do!  To watch her develop every day is such a blessing.  She talks to us now and makes different noises almost every day.  Her first big smile was heartwarming.  And when she lifted that head high, we just wanted to cry we are so proud! AND.. she just this morning rolled over!  Her arm was positioned under her like a pivot.. but she did it! 

People tell us all the time "Enjoy these days, they go by so fast."  Strangers in the grocery store tell us this.  I'm learning they really do.  Its not just the time that goes by fast, its that she literally grows fast!  My newborn is now an infant, and I know soon she will be toddling around.  I cherish each and every day and find joy in even just changing her diaper because I realize just how very blessed I am.

Last week of leave

Mary Abilene is 5 1/2 weeks old! This is also the last week of my maternity leave. I am going to be working from home, so we are trying to figure out how to care for a baby and work 8 hours a day. I've been pretend working a little this week to see how much time I will have in between caring for Mary Abilene. It seems pretty challenging. She doesn't nap well in her bed during the day, but today I have figured out how to get her to sleep - the Moby Wrap. So as I type I have a child strapped to the front of me, fast asleep. Hey, it works! I can sit at my desk like this!

It is going to be a challenge, basically being a stay-at-home-full-time-employee-mom. I will go in to work 3 days a week for several hours, and MA gets to come with me. We can trade off a little then, and she can sit with Patrick in his office also. I think it will get a little easier when she is a little older and can start to play and entertain herself. Sitting up would also be helpful because then I'd have more places to put her.

I'm going to try to get back into blogging regularly. I know you are dying for a new recipe! :) We haven't cooked but maybe a handful of times since the birth of MA. Our Sunday School class is super awesome and different people have brought us meals every other day. They totally rock! So I haven't even had to think about cooking, so hence, no recipes.

Ok, my baby is waking .. I think its lunch time!

The Birth of Mary Abilene

Believe it or not.. this is the shortened version! :)


I couldn’t really get to sleep Saturday night and didn’t until 3am on Sunday, August 8, 2010. I woke back up at 5:30 am having to go to the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and realized I was having some low back discomfort. So low, it was in my sacrum. My heart rate jumped instantly since I knew one of the first signs of your birthing time is back discomfort. I thought about it for a while, and went back to bed. My back ached and so did my low abdomen. I thought that surely it was just gas. Then it started coming in waves. I still wasn’t sure that it wasn’t just some gas. By 7:30 Patrick’s alarm went off and I told him I couldn’t go to church because I hadn’t slept well. “And oh, I’m having back discomfort that wraps around the front in waves.” He said that he certainly wasn’t going to church either if I was having waves. At 8:00 am I passed my mucous plug with the realization that I did not have gas, that I was entering my birthing time!

A little background: The childbirth education I chose is Hypnobabies. Hypnobabies is a complete childbirth education class (we got the home study course) that teaches all aspects of childbirth but includes self-hypnosis directed towards birthing. It sounds a little weird, but once I learned that by “hypnosis” they meant a state of deep relaxation that we all go in many times a day to rejuvenate, it wasn’t all that weird. The course says that we are often in hypnosis while driving or watching t.v. After reading the material it made sense to me that it is a way to train your body to relax completely, mentally and physically, pretty much on demand, whenever you choose. Another aspect of the class is that it purges all negative images and ideas about birthing that society has taught us from our brains and replaces it with only positive thinking. The bad words like “labor” and “contractions” are replaced with “birthing time” and “birthing waves”. It creates a more positive way of viewing birth and breaking down the cultural stigma of birth being "excruciating". There is also a script to help you work through your fears. I found myself much more confident about birth and tended to think about all the positive things and not any of the “what-ifs” that I was afraid of.

We called my midwife, Mary Anne at about 8am. I told her I passed the plug and that the waves were about 15 to 20 seconds long, at about 15 minutes apart. Mary Anne told me that I was in very early stages of my birthing time. It could pick up and become my birthing time, or it could stall out. But she said birth was imminent with passing the mucous plug and to call back if the waves start to last 40 seconds or longer. I took a bath, listened to my Hypnobabies "Birthing Day Affirmations" and decided to go back to bed in hopes of getting some sleep since I was going to have a long day ahead of me! However, I still couldn’t sleep. Come lunchtime, Patrick went to get us avocado sandwiches. My waves were getting a little stronger and they were starting to come closer together. I took two bites of my sandwich and it came right back up. So I got back in the tub. Patrick washed my hair and I was having more consistent waves that were now lasting 40 seconds or longer. Patrick had paged Mary Anne right before we got in the tub after I threw up, and so I talked to her in the tub and told her about my progression. She said that whenever I am ready we can come on to her house.

We planned to deliver at Mary Anne's home in Franklin, TN. Home births in Alabama are actually illegal, for some unknown, dumb reason. Well, midwife attended home births anyway. Not letting this deter me from the birth I desired, I had found a midwife I adored across the state line. She lives about 1.5 hours away and has a birthing suite built onto her house.

Patrick was like an efficient machine on auto-pilot. He had absolutely everything prepared and the car packed and ready by the time I finished my half eaten lunch and had gotten dressed. We headed out to Mary Anne’s at about 2:00. I listened to Hypnobabies the whole time in the car, which kept me completely relaxed for the drive. My waves slowed a bit when we first left. As Mary Anne said “If you move a cat in labor, it will stall.” My waves were a bit further apart and not lasting as long, but definitely still there.

We got to Mary Anne’s around 3:45 and her and Kelly, her assistant, had the room completely ready, with the air down and lights low. They immediately took my vitals and listened to the baby’s heart for about 15 minutes. She said the baby was doing great and didn’t care at all when I had a pressure wave – which is very good. Patrick and I climbed into bed and I was experiencing much more pressure in my back than in my low abdomen like I had been at home. My back was quite uncomfortable and finding a good position for the pressure waves was difficult. I ended up tucked into sort of a child’s pose while Patrick continuously rubbed my back. Mary Anne came back to check on us and listen to the baby. She asked if I wanted to get in the tub, and I certainly did.

We got into the tub somewhere around 5:30 or 6:00 pm. Though, I certainly wasn’t keeping track of the time. My waves were getting much more intense and much closer together. Patrick continued to rub my back and I started feeling a lot of pressure in my bottom and the most comfortable position was to lean my back against his chest while reclining. I was feeling so much pressure in my sacrum. I believe I was having birthing waves in my back (also known as back labor) because of my short torso. We were confident the baby was not posterior and a short torso is another reason given for back labor in the book "Back Labor No More" that I had read in my pregnancy. However, for some unknown reason, I never tried the belly lift technique taught in the book to relieve the discomfort (and speed up birthing). Its not that I didn’t think of trying it, I did, but I just chose not to. I have no idea why and wish that I had tried it.

At some point while in the tub I started to get a bit more relief between waves and my head felt almost euphoric. I remember thinking between waves "I feel so gooooood." I’m not sure if it was the Hypnobabies tracks playing or endorphins coursing through my body, but I was having a very out of body experience between waves.

My waves were getting so much more intense and my moans became much louder and longer. Kelly and Mary Anne sat on the floor off to the side while we were in the tub and occasionally I would hear one of them say "Good!" "So close now!" I was getting excited and I had a lot of confidence that things were going really well based on their encouragement and the fact that they were mostly letting us be.

The time, honestly was flying by for me. I never purposefully looked at the clock, but once I saw it and I couldn’t believe it was already 8:30. I was having really intense waves and knew things were progressing quickly. Mary Anne checked me and said that my cervix was “gone”. There was nothing holding the baby in but the bag of waters that had yet to break! Mary Anne asked me if I was resisting pushing feelings. I said no, that I hadn’t had any pushing sensations. It seemed like she was surprised the baby was so close but I did not feel like pushing. My back was really uncomfortable and the pressure in my bottom was severe. I kept saying “the baby is trying to come out my butt!” I got on my hands and knees then and leaned on Patrick through really intense waves. I started to think about just going ahead and pushing without the instinct to do so. I stayed on all fours for a while and Mary Anne put a hot rice bag on my low back and would push in on both sides of my hip bones when I had a pressure wave. It was wonderful! So nice that the intensity completely diminished the first time she did this. With the next wave I decided I was just going to push no matter what! The wave came and I bore down until suddenly I heard and felt a "pop!" and the baby fall into my birth canal. I yelled out "Oh my God!" I was so startled at this sound and sensation, plus I was calling out to God!

I was on my knees leaning my body on the side of the tub with my arms dangling out. Patrick was behind me and started to rub my back. Mary Anne got to the side of the tub and Kelly came around to my face to rub down my face and body with cool cloths and to hold my hands. The sensations were especially intense now. I concentrated really hard on trying to relax my face and hands, but with each wave I decided to push with absolutely all my might. I remember being a bit disappointed that pushing didn’t feel so good. I had read in other birth stories that the mom loved the pushing phase. I found it to be difficult. In retrospect, it did feel good to be active and doing something. It felt especially good to be so close to meeting our baby, but the actual pushing sensation, didn’t feel as good as I had hoped.

I pushed a few times and could feel really good progress. Mary Anne said that I was doing so great for a first time mom. She said that a lot of first time moms push for hours. I had only pushed 2 or 3 times at this point so this gave me great confidence that Mary Anne knew I was so close and I wouldn’t need to push for very long. I pushed for what turned out to be 30 minutes; each push was so much stronger and harder than the last. Mary Anne exclaimed, "Look at all that hair!" She and Patrick were looking at a full head of inch long black hair. This really excited me and I knew I was getting impatient, but was so ready. Finally, I felt her head pop out suddenly and without relenting I went ahead and pushed the rest of her body out. Patrick caught her while I was temporarily stunned. The relief was so intense and the knowledge that I had just delivered my baby was mind blowing. With help, I managed to turn around and Patrick put this pink, squealing baby in my arms. The baby was squealing as soon as her face hit the air! We cried and hugged and were absolutely overcome with joy and elation. So overcome that we forgot to check the gender for almost a full minute! Suddenly it dawned on me and I exclaimed to Patrick "What is it!?" He said "I don’t know!" We moved the umbilical cord out of the way and as I squealed "It’s a girl!" We were so shocked as the entire pregnancy we were just sure we were having boy. We completely crumbled and everyone cried, including Mary Anne and Kelly. They then sang happy birthday to her and we announced her name, Mary Abilene.

I know that having a girl just made it that much more special. I love surprises, and this certainly was a surprise! The Lord really blessed us in unbelievable ways. Mary Abilene got a 9 out of 10 on her Apgar score; taking one point for having purple feet. She was so strong and so healthy. I was so overcome with having a girl; we were absolutely overwhelmed. She is our whole world now. I never thought I could love anything so ferociously as I love her. Each day is the best day of my life.

Tummy Tub!

This is the first baby product for which I am going to sing praises. I saw these on The Today Show about a year and a half ago and I thought it was the cutest thing. Check out the Today Show story

So, this past summer I bought our own Tummy Tub, thinking it a way better idea than the traditional infant bath tubs that require baby to be flat on their back and half out of the water. It seemed a better way to keep baby warm and comfortable. And it does!
Mary Abilene getting a sponge bath. None too happy.

Mary Abilene in her tummy tub. Quite happy!

The only downfall I see to the tummy tub is until baby can hold her head up on her own, it seems to require four hands. Two to hold her head, two to wash. Instructions for the Tummy Tub show a one handed chin hold, while the other hand washes, but Mary Abilene is so tiny that her little body slides down in the tub. Maybe as she gets bigger, or with a bigger baby, if they didn't slide, you could use only one hand to hold her head.

Mary Abilene is Five Days Old!!

She is truly the joy of our lives. I honestly never knew that I could feel this way. My whole world has been spun entirely upside down and I'm so in love it is overwhelming.

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mary Abilene was born on August 8th at 10:10 pm. She weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces, and was 21" long. She is the joy of our lives! She is such a good baby, and nurses like a pro!!

More details and birth story to follow.